Safety Word for abuse survivors

As victims of abuse, we have a keen sense of what is right and wrong for us. We have been through hell and we feel lost. However, it can be something that we struggle with when it comes to staying safe.

Here are some safety tips I have learned myself:

  1. Block your abuser on ALL social media, facebook, twitter, linkedin, Instagram and snap chat. Also, any new platforms that you may come up.
  2. Change your mobile phone number; if they can’t call you they can’t reach you
  3. Any extra behavior that seems suspicious keep a record. Don’t feel guilty, or ashamed about going to the police. They take any form of domestic situations seriously. Even the slightest bit of concern get something on the report.
  4. If you are concerned about where you live to see what you can do to move

The key thing is to keep surviving 🙂 I know it is hard to do but it is the only way that we can make a bad thing good again.

I hope this helps. I am trying to get the money together to be able to move. I hope this helps.

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Abuse – the realization

Recently I have realized that I have been a victim of abuse for many years. This was not physical, he did not hit me, what he did was worse. He tried to make me love him even when I was happy with someone else. He would make me feel that no matter what happened that he was the only one for me and yet whenever we got together he would break up with me, again and again, and again. He would not only just make me love him but he would find new ways to torture me…

But, I have finally found my footing and have managed to block him everywhere, I have stopped him from being able to find out anything about me and cut ties with anyone I don’t trust. I have filed a report with the police so if my ex tries to get back into my life again he will be completely screwed. I just wish I didn’t live where I live anymore as he knows where I am. I am done being his victim.

I am a victim and I need to survive. If anyone else can help me survive I would be appreciative. If you are able to help me please see my GoFundMe page:https://www.gofundme.com/4t77nm-my-first-home

Abuse, Fear, Trust and Anger

Due to some really hateful things that were said to me about my videos I have decided not to do them anymore.

So today I am going to talk about surviving abuse, fear, trust, and Anger. You might all think that fear trust and anger go part and parcel of fear, trust, and anger and that I will be making the same point repeatedly. In some cases it is true, they are linked but I am also going to talk about how they are different.

So let’s start with fear. Most people think fight or flight when they think about fear, some may even think about the freezing aspect. When you are a survivor of abuse, however, there is a 4 option and that is submission. When you start getting abused you deal with fight or flight or freeze but when it is prolonged like it has been for me you get into this state of submission. You stop fighting because that is the only way to survive. Flight, especially in some cases, is not possible and you certainly have not frozen. You choose to survive and that involves submission. It is not you giving in, it is you choosing to survive.

Whether it is verbal, emotional, physical or sexual you find yourself submitting to stay alive. You might think that verbal and emotional is easy to get away from because there is no one assaulting your body but it is just as hurtful as physical or sexual and is harder to identify. The reason for this is because there are no visible scars and so your abusers can shrug off the effects that they have caused you to others as, “their acting out” or that “they are lying”. This happened to me with the people my parents brought into our house. Their kids would sexually abuse me and when I would not do what they wanted they made me out to be this monster… Soon over time, no one believed anything I said so I had to submit in order to survive. I would, however, do what I could to keep my distance. I would try and force myself into school with a fever so that they would not be called to look after me while my parents were at work… The downside to this, however, is that my mum was an ex-nurse so she knew when I had to stay home from school. I would then get so clingy to my parents but still left with them. So submission was my only way to survive.

Trust is the next thing I want to talk to you about. It is a wonderful thing, however, victims of abuse never have that luxury. Whether it was my parents physically abusing me, family friends sexually abusing me or siblings emotionally abusing me, I learned that I could not trust anyone. This has followed me into my adult life and because of this, I have very few people that I would consider a friend. I just do not make friends easily and as such I find it hard to trust what peoples intentions are. This is because of the trust that I put in people who were supposed to protect me growing up ad they did not. You may think it is something to get over, but when you have lost trust in people you should not have lost trust in then it becomes very much so, a part of who you are. It informs your developing mind and makes it harder for you to trust anyone.

Anger for me is a very difficult one to deal with. I find that due to my history there are certain situations that bring real anger out of me. On a night out some guys tried to pull a friend down a dark alley and I nearly got myself arrested with my angry outburst. This is not something that is easy to fix. This is, especially in my situation where I still have to live with the people who caused a lot of problems for me growing up almost an impossible task. Honestly, though it is not the anger over what they did and allowed to happen to me that gets me angry anymore, it is the fact that I am stuck now due to people being unable and unwilling to help me.

Now finally onto the Abuse. NO ABUSE IS ACCEPTABLE. We, however, as a society, need to find a way to help people in a seriously complex situation out. There are people like me out there who cant access help because their situations are so complex that it does not fit into any one category. For people like me the only way out if to get help from someone and when no one is willing to listen or help, you feel alone and remain once again STUCK! Many survivors of abuse play it’s my fault game but how can a 6-year-old, being forced to learn what a 69ner is really been at fault? This has rocked my faith, my self-confidence, every relationship I have ever had and now when I am finally able to say I need help the authorities are putting me in a situation where I can’t get help because I am unable to report it for fear of both myself and someone else….

I am hoping someone out there with me being open and honest about my story will help me. Please see my Gofundme page entitled help me survive.  https://t.co/27kabyJJdN

The money is going to be used in the following ways:

  1. clear off all debts so that I can start off clean
  2. find somewhere to live that is suitable for my needs as well as financially viable
  3. Pay a few months in advance so if needed I can get benefits
  4. Change my name so my abusers will no longer be able to find me and I can cut ties with them completely.
  5. kit out my new place with the things I need to heal and grow stronger in myself.

If you can help me please please donate or even share with others.. I need help and no one is able to help me.