suzefricker@mylifeaccordingtome.org Available all the time, just send me an email and I will get back to you.

Autism – Social Energy

Last year during International Day of Persons with Disabilities we had a talk from Genius Within and they talked about the theory of Social Energy.

Basically, it is like the Spoon Theory for Lupus. We all have social energy tanks. Those who are Neuro-Typical have larger tanks than Neuro Diverse people. This is the key thing to know. Now like the spoon theory every action that we do takes away from your social energy tank. The problem is is that when someone who is neurodiverse who has a smaller tank thing gets drained a lot quicker than a neurotypical person.

Unlike the Spoon theory, however, we can refill our tanks. The idea is that if someone who is neuro diverse’s tank dips below 30% then we are likely to be in a meltdown mode. So with your social energy, it is very important to know where you are at and how you refill your tank.

For me, to refill my tank when I am at work, I go to the coffee shop and speak with the staff there. I find the break from work and what is draining my energy is a way to refill. When I goto my coffee shop I can be a little crazy and let out stresses. When I then return to work I find that I have avoided a meltdown. For me when I am in meltdown mode I know that I go very quiet and you can’t talk to me and I won’t talk to anyone. So to avoid this I keep an eye on my energy levels.

The other aspect of this is the fact that you need to find your safe space to do it. I know one person who stands in a closet. Others go and sit on a bench doing nothing but people watch. It is your safe space to find it.

Since learning this theory my team at work and I use it a lot. They ask me what my number is at when I need a break. This helps me focus on my own needs. I think that you all need to work on this to see if it can help you try and avoid your meltdown phases.

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Autism and work

There is only a small amount of people who are Autistic and work. I am one of them.

I use work as an escape from family. If I didn’t work honestly I think that I would revert to something really low.

I need to get my own place but I need help. Two weeks holiday from work and I know I am struggling from day 1. If anyone can help me not only have a small reprieve from the hell I live in with work but a permanent one, please visit: https://www.gofundme.com/6jvfv8-i-need-help

Its Hard When people dont understand you

So this Christmas, my family have been on top form. I am sure they dont believe that I am Autistic.

My mother, who has been told, that my issues with food is to do with the texture of it which is linked to my autism decided to completely forget the special food we picked out for Christmas for me and then said that I was “just being difficult”. When my dad asked me if he could have some of my wine and got the answer “no”, my brother told me I shouldnt be such a “rude Bitch”. I tried to explain that he asked me if he could have my wine, not why he could not have my wine and that those kind of questions are not easy for me to answer latterally… Just ask the judge in my benefit appeal who asked me “what would you do if you needed to get some milk?” I said that I would not go out. The judge then asked “why would you not go out for milk” and my response was, “I dont drink milk”. To me that was a logical answer to the question.

We went to my nans and my mum brought food with us that she knew I could eat. She said nothing about it until we got there, stood up in the middle of the room and said “I brought these because I know my daughter is difficult”.

My mum planned to change my routine around without telling me and when i questioned them on it I got introuble because my nephew heard me ask why we were not having pizza as it was pizza night. I spent the rest of the day in my room upset because I didnt understand why I was in trouble for questioning why my routine was being changed.

I have had to set up an anonymous gofundme page because I got in trouble for my last one (family found it)

I need help to get away from these people 😦 if you can help or know someone who can help please share my page. Please help me. I dont want to be living here by this time next year 😦

https://www.gofundme.com/6jvfv8-i-need-help

 

Struggles of an Autistic

As people here know, I was diagnosed as autistic at the beginning of the year. It started to make more sense to me about what I go through on a daily basis. One thing, in particular, is my routine. We have made it so that every Friday is our Pizza night.

However, what makes it 10 times worse is when you live with people who do not understand or believe in the diagnosis that you were given. They neither like to help or prepare me when my routine is changed. When I question why my routine is changed they give me grief, abuse, and anger. I don’t understand why they can’t just accept that I am autistic and I need an like my routine.

I need to get away from here. I need to be free to be me… but how can I do that when people don’t want to help me and judge me for everything that I do. I need help.

Gender inequality -> the side you don’t hear!

As today is International Men’s day and after hearing some amazing things at work, I feel this post has to be done.

Note to all hardcore feminists out there: I have been shouted at and already had some nasty things said to be for this point of view but guess what, I don’t care because honestly, it is the truth.

Though yes, women do have some rough times which we have had to fight for what we have including the right to vote, to an education, to work and even to be able to get divorced there is one key thing that kills me… Gender equality also affects men, so why are their issues not brought to the table like women are?

When a woman is raped she has lots of sympathies thrown her way. She is supported by many organisations to help with the trauma she has been through and guided through the process of putting their attackers behind bars. But what about men?

Men, both gay and straight, can be raped or suffer vicious attacks. So to can transgender and nonbinary people.

“According to a 2017 crime survey by the ONS, in 2017 alone there were around 138,000 reports of sexual assaults against men that year.”  https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Can you imagine 138000 men being raped? If you read the article fully it also says this may be an underestimation because men are too afraid to come forward. How can we live in a world where there are people out there who have been victims of rape who are more scared of reporting then they are off living their lives. This is something that cant go on.

Don’t get me wrong, women have a very bad time when it comes to Rape as people can say, “well she was asking for it” or  “she led him on”. This is also known as victim shaming. However, if a gay man is raped, I know from someone who has not given me permission to use his name, was told, “how can you be raped by another man, your GAY?” The other misconception that is out there is that men can’t be raped because they are the ones who penetrate or clearly get aroused. I will tell you what I say to everyone, JUST BECAUSE YOU CLIMAX DOESNT MEAN YOU WERE NOT RAPED. SEX WITH NO CONSENT NO MATTER YOUR GENDER, SEXUALITY, RELIGION OR LIVING SITUATION IS RAPE!!!!!!

People are so used to the idea that men are the perpetrators of violence that there is no way they can be a victim. in 2009 only 13% of men who were victims of domestic abuse reported it. Can you imagine what those brave 13% must have felt like reporting? The shame they may have been feeling because of the outside world men are not the victims but they are perpetrators. A woman can go to a police station and say my husband is hitting me, and don’t get me wrong Domestic abuse whether the victim is male or female is wrong, yet people are more inclined to believe a woman than a man.

But why is this the case? Men who become victims are the men that we women should really prefer to have. They do not hit women, even if they are concerned about something so there are women out there that have taken advantage of this and seen it as weakness. Abuse of power in its truest form.

When a man hits a woman it’s terrible but when a woman abuses a man its laughable? talk about gender inequality and double standards. This world has made it so hard for men to come forward.

“In 2017, 4,382 men took their own lives, an average of 12 per day” https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Suicide is not solely caused by someone being a victim of something, however, how many men out of the 12 per day may have been a victim of a crime? You honestly can’t say that it is solely due to mental health because if it was, I would say we have a health crisis on our hands! Let us be real here. An Average of 12 men per day took their own lives last year and yet gender equality seems only to cover female gender equality. This has to stop!

True Gender Equality can never EVER become a real possibility until both sides are equally represented it just can’t.

Now, this is a call out to all men and women alike, I am a survivor of Physical, Mental and sexual abuse. I know how hard it is to disclose and for certain things, there are people I can’t disclose to because of my history. I will however say, do not go it alone, I did for a long time and it did me no good. I had to figure out what I was going to do and had to do the hard work yourself. If you are being victimised please reach out to someone and disclose where you can. Even if you just ask for someone who is anonymous to help you find out your support please reach out. Even if you just reach out to me in a comment and ask me for my email address (it doesnt even have to be on this post to hide why, I will do what I can) Men you do not have to suffer alone in the darkness.