Gender inequality -> the side you don’t hear!

As today is International Men’s day and after hearing some amazing things at work, I feel this post has to be done.

Note to all hardcore feminists out there: I have been shouted at and already had some nasty things said to be for this point of view but guess what, I don’t care because honestly, it is the truth.

Though yes, women do have some rough times which we have had to fight for what we have including the right to vote, to an education, to work and even to be able to get divorced there is one key thing that kills me… Gender equality also affects men, so why are their issues not brought to the table like women are?

When a woman is raped she has lots of sympathies thrown her way. She is supported by many organisations to help with the trauma she has been through and guided through the process of putting their attackers behind bars. But what about men?

Men, both gay and straight, can be raped or suffer vicious attacks. So to can transgender and nonbinary people.

“According to a 2017 crime survey by the ONS, in 2017 alone there were around 138,000 reports of sexual assaults against men that year.”  https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Can you imagine 138000 men being raped? If you read the article fully it also says this may be an underestimation because men are too afraid to come forward. How can we live in a world where there are people out there who have been victims of rape who are more scared of reporting then they are off living their lives. This is something that cant go on.

Don’t get me wrong, women have a very bad time when it comes to Rape as people can say, “well she was asking for it” or  “she led him on”. This is also known as victim shaming. However, if a gay man is raped, I know from someone who has not given me permission to use his name, was told, “how can you be raped by another man, your GAY?” The other misconception that is out there is that men can’t be raped because they are the ones who penetrate or clearly get aroused. I will tell you what I say to everyone, JUST BECAUSE YOU CLIMAX DOESNT MEAN YOU WERE NOT RAPED. SEX WITH NO CONSENT NO MATTER YOUR GENDER, SEXUALITY, RELIGION OR LIVING SITUATION IS RAPE!!!!!!

People are so used to the idea that men are the perpetrators of violence that there is no way they can be a victim. in 2009 only 13% of men who were victims of domestic abuse reported it. Can you imagine what those brave 13% must have felt like reporting? The shame they may have been feeling because of the outside world men are not the victims but they are perpetrators. A woman can go to a police station and say my husband is hitting me, and don’t get me wrong Domestic abuse whether the victim is male or female is wrong, yet people are more inclined to believe a woman than a man.

But why is this the case? Men who become victims are the men that we women should really prefer to have. They do not hit women, even if they are concerned about something so there are women out there that have taken advantage of this and seen it as weakness. Abuse of power in its truest form.

When a man hits a woman it’s terrible but when a woman abuses a man its laughable? talk about gender inequality and double standards. This world has made it so hard for men to come forward.

“In 2017, 4,382 men took their own lives, an average of 12 per day” https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Suicide is not solely caused by someone being a victim of something, however, how many men out of the 12 per day may have been a victim of a crime? You honestly can’t say that it is solely due to mental health because if it was, I would say we have a health crisis on our hands! Let us be real here. An Average of 12 men per day took their own lives last year and yet gender equality seems only to cover female gender equality. This has to stop!

True Gender Equality can never EVER become a real possibility until both sides are equally represented it just can’t.

Now, this is a call out to all men and women alike, I am a survivor of Physical, Mental and sexual abuse. I know how hard it is to disclose and for certain things, there are people I can’t disclose to because of my history. I will however say, do not go it alone, I did for a long time and it did me no good. I had to figure out what I was going to do and had to do the hard work yourself. If you are being victimised please reach out to someone and disclose where you can. Even if you just ask for someone who is anonymous to help you find out your support please reach out. Even if you just reach out to me in a comment and ask me for my email address (it doesnt even have to be on this post to hide why, I will do what I can) Men you do not have to suffer alone in the darkness. 

 

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Abuse, Fear, Trust and Anger

Due to some really hateful things that were said to me about my videos I have decided not to do them anymore.

So today I am going to talk about surviving abuse, fear, trust, and Anger. You might all think that fear trust and anger go part and parcel of fear, trust, and anger and that I will be making the same point repeatedly. In some cases it is true, they are linked but I am also going to talk about how they are different.

So let’s start with fear. Most people think fight or flight when they think about fear, some may even think about the freezing aspect. When you are a survivor of abuse, however, there is a 4 option and that is submission. When you start getting abused you deal with fight or flight or freeze but when it is prolonged like it has been for me you get into this state of submission. You stop fighting because that is the only way to survive. Flight, especially in some cases, is not possible and you certainly have not frozen. You choose to survive and that involves submission. It is not you giving in, it is you choosing to survive.

Whether it is verbal, emotional, physical or sexual you find yourself submitting to stay alive. You might think that verbal and emotional is easy to get away from because there is no one assaulting your body but it is just as hurtful as physical or sexual and is harder to identify. The reason for this is because there are no visible scars and so your abusers can shrug off the effects that they have caused you to others as, “their acting out” or that “they are lying”. This happened to me with the people my parents brought into our house. Their kids would sexually abuse me and when I would not do what they wanted they made me out to be this monster… Soon over time, no one believed anything I said so I had to submit in order to survive. I would, however, do what I could to keep my distance. I would try and force myself into school with a fever so that they would not be called to look after me while my parents were at work… The downside to this, however, is that my mum was an ex-nurse so she knew when I had to stay home from school. I would then get so clingy to my parents but still left with them. So submission was my only way to survive.

Trust is the next thing I want to talk to you about. It is a wonderful thing, however, victims of abuse never have that luxury. Whether it was my parents physically abusing me, family friends sexually abusing me or siblings emotionally abusing me, I learned that I could not trust anyone. This has followed me into my adult life and because of this, I have very few people that I would consider a friend. I just do not make friends easily and as such I find it hard to trust what peoples intentions are. This is because of the trust that I put in people who were supposed to protect me growing up ad they did not. You may think it is something to get over, but when you have lost trust in people you should not have lost trust in then it becomes very much so, a part of who you are. It informs your developing mind and makes it harder for you to trust anyone.

Anger for me is a very difficult one to deal with. I find that due to my history there are certain situations that bring real anger out of me. On a night out some guys tried to pull a friend down a dark alley and I nearly got myself arrested with my angry outburst. This is not something that is easy to fix. This is, especially in my situation where I still have to live with the people who caused a lot of problems for me growing up almost an impossible task. Honestly, though it is not the anger over what they did and allowed to happen to me that gets me angry anymore, it is the fact that I am stuck now due to people being unable and unwilling to help me.

Now finally onto the Abuse. NO ABUSE IS ACCEPTABLE. We, however, as a society, need to find a way to help people in a seriously complex situation out. There are people like me out there who cant access help because their situations are so complex that it does not fit into any one category. For people like me the only way out if to get help from someone and when no one is willing to listen or help, you feel alone and remain once again STUCK! Many survivors of abuse play it’s my fault game but how can a 6-year-old, being forced to learn what a 69ner is really been at fault? This has rocked my faith, my self-confidence, every relationship I have ever had and now when I am finally able to say I need help the authorities are putting me in a situation where I can’t get help because I am unable to report it for fear of both myself and someone else….

I am hoping someone out there with me being open and honest about my story will help me. Please see my Gofundme page entitled help me survive.  https://t.co/27kabyJJdN

The money is going to be used in the following ways:

  1. clear off all debts so that I can start off clean
  2. find somewhere to live that is suitable for my needs as well as financially viable
  3. Pay a few months in advance so if needed I can get benefits
  4. Change my name so my abusers will no longer be able to find me and I can cut ties with them completely.
  5. kit out my new place with the things I need to heal and grow stronger in myself.

If you can help me please please donate or even share with others.. I need help and no one is able to help me.

My Thank You Campaign

So, here I am once again discussing my Thank You Campaign, and why I feel it is important.

Today I will look at London Firebrigade and more specifically their role in an absolute tragedy that rocked my community. That tragedy is the Grenfell Tower Fire 14 June 2017.

Everyone went to bed on 13 June 2017 thinking about what they needed to do the next day. Kids thinking about school, parents thinking about work and firefighters thinking about what may happen on their shift. Little did they know that in a few short hours the world would change forever.

Grenfell 1This was the scene in the early hours of the morning on the 14th June 2017. There are videos of firefighters who were attending the scene who said “FUCK” when they saw the blaze. It was so massive that you could see it for miles around and yet they still went in.

Now you can say what you want, it was their job, they had to go in to do it. The honest answer is they didn’t. They could have stood down. They could have said there is no way that anyone is surviving this. They went in. The Gods honest truth is that these men and women who work for the London Firebrigade went into a burning building to fight a fire they had never seen before to rescue as many people as they possibly could and work tirelessly through to the bitter end. Even when they knew that they would not find any more survivors they still went in.  Could you do this?

Grenfell 2

Could you have gone into this building willingly knowing that it could collapse on you, or you could lose your life? My own health issues aside, I wish I would have the bravery that these people have but honestly I don’t think I could.

These, however, are the brave men and women who attended the scene. Who cried with our community,  who slept outside so that they could go back in again. They stayed until the very bitter end when it was no longer search and rescue but recovery.

These are the same people who, some of, ran the London Marathon in full gear to raise money for the survivors. This was not just a “Shout” to these brave men and women, no, it was a life changing event the likes of which I pray never is seen again.

So to the London Fire Brigade. I say Thank You For Your Service and I hope that I will be able to get enough money to suitably pay tribute to those who risked it all for a small community in North Kensington. If anyone wants to help my cause please donate on the link below.

https://www.gofundme.com/544xm-thank-you-for-your-service

Mental Health

This morning I would like to take a moment to talk about mental health and how it can affect many people.

Since 2007 I have been dealing with depression. It is caused by the brain either refusing to or seriously reducing the amount of serotonin it produces. Basically, this means a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Since my diagnosis, I have noticed that the stigma around mental health is rampant. People feel too afraid to tell people they have mental health problems for fear of what might happen. I have experienced myself the downside to disclosing mental health problems to employers who went from treating me like everyone else to treating me like a piece of glass that could break at any moment.

Until such time as it becomes more acceptable to have mental health problems, the stigma will continue. One way for this to happen is for more people to take the stance of “so what, I have mental health issues, who cares” and be as open as they can be. The more people who stand up and openly say they have issues will make the world see that we are not a minority and that it does not discriminate.

A baby step that people can take, put it in your bio on social media. This is something that means that everyone will see without you having to say to each person

Why do I say Thank You?

Today I was asked why do I say thank you to uniformed services, they are just doing their job.


Well, the answer is honestly because they deserve it. They did not have to take a job where they could potentially lose their lives protecting other, they did not have to take a job where their families could end up struggling due to injury or death but they did. 


People need to remember that they do the job so that we who can’t, or those, who do not want to, are made to do it. If the brave men and women of the military, police, fire departments, paramedics, doctors, nurses or lifeguard did not do the job who would? Me personally I am an Autistic, Dyslexic, who has depression and has spinal problems so I know I would not be able to do it. So that is why I do it.


Ever wondered why there is not National Service in some countries, or why the Draft has not been re-enacted? Well, ladies and gents it is because there are enough brave men and women who do the jobs to keep us safe and I for 1 am thankful every day for these people.

Family Tree

I am looking for people who would like their family tree being traced. I am looking at providing this to everyone. It has given me immense joy in tracing my tree and is also something that has also given me strength with my Autism. The joy and structure, as well as the love of the solving of puzzles, is something that I just can’t deny.

So, if anyone out there is interested in tracing their family tree, please contact me at my email address or leave me a comment here. I have the international package on Ancestry so I have found I can trace anyone across the globe.