The world is a scary place for me. I am trying very hard to live my life as someone who is a productive member of society but it can be difficult when it seems that everything is set up against you. When the world is apathetic to the people who do everything that they can to live life outside the image that is placed on them. When you look at people and they label you names such as #WelfareQueen etc and all you want to do is scream and say, “WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW HARD I FIGHT?”
I am feeling this at the moment because of the lack of support I have had in my life. I do everything I can to get the world to see things my way however, it is a world that turns their back on me and kicks me to the dirt 100% of the time.
I turned 33 on Sunday and what I got for it was more debt to my family and no presents. I had to move because of a potential issue that could affect my wellbeing and no help or support from councils. Yet, do I still turn my head away? No. I always reach out to people to see if I am able to help. I do what I can to raise awareness on disability everywhere and yet the world tells me to get fucked.
All I have ever wanted to do since I realized that I was someone who got screwed over by being born in the decade I was when medical science was not where it should have been and so I got missed, is to make sure that when I leave this world I leave it a nicer place than when I found it. This can be very challenging at the best of time however I am trying to get sorted one person at a time.
Some times, however, my faith in my mission feels like a long shot. When I realize that there are people out there who just do not give a damn.
Wondering whether you have clocked on to what this article is going to be about by the title, please let me know if you did.
I am dyslexic. This is something I struggled with prior to diagnosis to the point that I needed a lot of support to get me to a standard where I could even get A levels. To give you an idea. When I chose my A levels I had only been diagnosed for a year and had already had to redo my GCSEs once. One of the courses I chose was Sociology which was a brave move as this subject meant LOTS of essay writing.
I don’t know if you know but sociology exams (the essay part) are graded out of 20. When I started the course my homework essays were getting 3s,2s or 1s out of 20. On one fateful day, I had really struggled and I got a 0 out of 20. My world seemed very dark when I got that assignment back. I thought, “you know what I shouldn’t be here. I am dyslexic what made me think that I could do this, I just can’t do it, I’m so dumb”.
But, I got help. This help came in the form of my teacher who knew I was trying so hard but just could not seem to improve. So, he offered me a solution. Every time I got a bad grade on my homework, we would go through it during a free period that we both had at the same time and he would show me where I went wrong. He would then give me a 2nd opportunity to rewrite the assignment. This was not to change my grade but to make sure that I had an opportunity to stick what I needed to learn in my head.
Slowly I started seeing my grades go up. I went from 1s, 2s, and 3s, to 16s, 17s and 18s out of 20. This gave me so much of a boost that when I went to sit my exams I was able to sit them with confidence I had never had in any exams previously. My end result was a B in Sociology. I could not believe it. I was so happy I went and thanked my teacher for my result.
Learning disabilities don’t mean that you can’t do something. It means that you need to find a way to deal with it and work around it to get the best out of yourself. Some suggestions for you to do:
- Dragon Software (or any other speech to text software)
- Read and Write Gold (or something Similar)
- Spider Diagrammes for things you need to learn so that you have a visual map of what is needed.
Don’t give in to the Imposter Syndrome. I ask anyone out there with a learning disability to challenge yourself to find ways to make things easier for you. I did it and I can honestly say at the age of 16 when I was diagnosed I couldn’t even imagine getting my GCSEs let alone a B & 2 Cs in A levels. You are not alone, ask for help.
So i found out that i have been nominated for a Sunshine Blogger Award which i was amazed to find out. I have never known about this since I have only recently started getting a bigger following. This is really humbelling for me to see. I have been trying to use my blog to show what life is like having disabilities. Not just the disability related issues but life issues as well. The person who nominated me was Charli Dee https://lifewithcharli.home.blog/charli-dee/ . So i humbally accept my nomination.
About the Sunshine Blogger Award
The Sunshine Blogger Award is an award given by bloggers to their peers to honor fellow bloggers who inspire and spread positivity through their blogs.
Rules for the Sunshine Blogger Award
- Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blogging site.
- List the Sunshine Blogger Award rules and display the logo on your site
- Answer the Sunshine Blogger Award questions.
- Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
- Notify the nominees about their nominations
So the questions that my nominator has posed are:
- Which of your blog posts is your favorite? Imperfectly Perfect: Life with Turner Syndrom
- What is your favorite color? I prefer purple because it is very calming.
- What is your favorite food? Pizza
- Do you have a secret talent? I do not know what my secret talent is. People tell me I am a baby and dog whisperer haha.
- Which season (spring, winter, summer, fall) is your favorite? I love spring and fall because it is not too hot and not too cold.
- What song would be your theme or anthem? I do not have a theme song. I listen to every thing but honestly things just catch in my head.
- Who is your favorite celebrity? There are too many to count. Some to include Billy Burke, Shemar Moore and Tom Selleck.
- Do you have a favorite book? I really struggle with reading but one book that i do go on with is When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit.
- Do you have a favorite movie? I love The Guns of Naverone
- Do you have a tv show you’re binging on right now? Friends
- Is the one thing you love most about blogging? I love meeting new people and I also love sharing my stories.
I havent really spoken to many people and I have far too many people I could Nominate. I would nominate everyone who follows me. So I will start with one for now and work my way up.
- What got you into blogging in the first place?
- What is your favourite Book?
- What is you Favourite Song?
- What helps keep you calm?
- Where would your dream place to live be?
- What is your favourite flavor of icecream?
- If you had a superpower what would it be?
- If you could do anything what would it be?
- Who would you most like to meet living or dead and why?
- If you won £1000000 what would you spend it on?
- If you could be on any TV show what would it be?
It starts with a question. Just one question. It isn’t even a tough question, its easy. Do you want to know what that question is? Well, the question is: How are you doing today?
How simple does that seem to you? Yet many people believe that it is such a difficult question to ask. People who have disabilities do not need you to delve into the nitty gritty but just the simple act of asking how you are doing can mean a lot.
For me, when I am having a tough day I often feel like I want to curl up in bed and shut the world out. There are times I want to shut down and honestly feel like disappearing. Many people see this and just ignore it. They put the onus on me to reach out and that is something that I just am unable to do. Just someone asking how I am doing would be enough for me to actually say, I am not doing so good but thank you for asking.
When you have a disability it is very hard to reach out. You always feel like you shouldn’t reach out because you have to be the same as everyone else but having a good support network around you is always really important. Find your support network so that you do not always feel alone.
There are people out there who believe the above is true. It is not. Having a disability simply means that you have something that makes you different. For me I have 4 disabilities ranging from physical to developmental. I do not see it as a bad thing. I see it as a reason to push myself. I always push myself to my absolute limit because that way no one can bad mouth me or indeed tell me that what I accomplish is anything less than awesome. Whether this is as simple as being able to hoover my room or getting a promotion. All victories are received and dealt with the same way 🙂 and that is with excitement.
Disability is not a dirty word and anyone who makes you feel less then you are because of your disability is not worth the time of day x
When I came back from my much needed holiday to Italy I have come across two things that have made me feel honored.
Before I went away, I did a blog for work about Autism and faith. Essentially it was about how I work around the things that I want to do for my faith whilst also knowing some of my limitations within the autistic side of me.
What I have come back to from work is that some people have contacted me to talk about how they can better understand autism and how they can help people. This is a real honor for me. I am by no means an expert on Autism because I am still learning what Autism means for me, however, if I can help in a small way to make someone’s life a bit easier and to also help encourage more understanding of what Autism actually is then I am very glad.
I know this is something that people have issues with relationships, even more so when you are autistic.
I have struggled my entire life to understand what a real friendship is. Not just having friendships but keeping them. Since my autism diagnosis however, being able to accept my short falls, I can safely say I have friends. It is amazing for me to say this. I never really had a frame of reference so I had to discuss it with my support worker but I have friends.
This however brings on the fear of how do I make sure that I do not loose them?
I am just so happy I can say this out loud.