I re-watched The Greatest Showman again tonight and again, like most people around the world I found an affinity with the movie and the songs. So, tonight I want to share my promise to myself I made after watching this inspirational movie again.
Every time I have had a new diagnosis I have always felt like I was defective. Why do I have depression? Why am I dyslexic? Why did my spine have to get crooked? But the opposit is true for my autism diagnosis. Before diagnosis I felt like I was defective. I did not understand why I was so different to everyone else especially when it came to reacting to things, or the trouble I got myself in during my WILD CHILD days.
I could not understand who I was but when I was diagnosed things came into perspective for me. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I could say to the world THIS IS ME. However this has not been without trials and tribulations in itself.
I have faced hatred and ignorance because I come from a generation where girls were not autistic and this has come through from social media and people I have known for years and years (pre diagnosis). Because of the diagnosis I felt freedom and through these mean and horrid people I felt that I was being forced back into a box that stifled me for years.
When I watched the Greatest Showman and the song This is Me came on i honestly felt like I was going to cry especially with these lyrics;
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know that there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I’m meant to be, this is me
Look out ’cause here I come
And I’m marching on to the beat I drum
I’m not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
So the promise I am making to myself is simply this. When those people who hate on me or show their ignorance because they think they know who I am and what I really feel like and go through each day try and put me back in that box. I will not let them. THIS IS ME
I am an Autistic,Dyslexic, who also has Depression and Spinal Problems.I risk meltdowns in public places when they are busy. I get over stimulated and go a bit Cray Cray until I do something to calm me. I have days when I don’t want to get out of bed, or days when I physically cant without crying. My spelling always needs to be spell checked and I take things very literally at times. But ladies and gents guess what? THIS IS ME and if you don’t like it you know where the door is!
I urge everyone who is different to read this and take it on board. You are you, if you hide that from the world you are depriving people of an amazing gift of you. March to your own drum and do not apologize for it. You are who you are and anyone who wants to stifle that does not deserve your company.