This is a random title I know but it is to explain something to you. Prior to 2018 and my diagnosis of Autism, I felt like I was in a box. I did not feel like I was able to express to people why I felt different or what I was struggling with. I felt like I was in a steel box that I could not get out of and it was very isolating.
Since my diagnosis, however, I feel like someone opened the lid to the box and set me free. This is because I have been able to be my true self.
The problem with being let out of the box is that no one wants you to be out. They want you neatly categorized because that is how they know who you are and what you are doing. This for me is something I can not let happen to me ever again. I was in that box for 31 years and I never held a steady job for a long period of time and moreover, I was struggling with my mental health. So when someone sends ignorance my way, I fight their views and their ignorance. The second that I stop fighting these ignorant people who refuse to accept difference as a positive they win and I will be back in the box. If I stop being open about my autism I put myself back in the box and I can not go back into that cold place. I just wont do it!
I have decided today, after coming home from work stressed, having vomited on the tube and in tears that London is no place for someone with Autism.
Let’s start at the beginning.
I got to the underground station and I have people pushing and shoving me,. I don’t like being touched unless it is something that I have instigated like hugs etc so having people bumping me, pushing me and shoving me was NOT good… Even got pushed into a tube door when someone tried to get passed me to get off the tube, before the door had opened.
I got to my change station, and had two foreign women either side of me screaming in my ears and when I looked at them to say something I swear they might have slapped me so I didn’t say a word which made me get worse.
I got on my second tube and the same woman kept standing on my feet repeatedly.
Then a man came onto the tube with so much smelly stuff on I was actually physically sick. This would also be the same man who saw that I was using the bar next to my seat and CHOSE to stand when his bum was on the bar. I just had to curl up in my seat and hope for the best. Even stuck half my face down my top so that I didn’t smell him but me, and STILL I smelt him.
I got home and was so stressed I was pulling my hair and crying. Full melt down… Now I am exhausted I will be having a shower and going to bed.
London is no place for someone with Autism, not at all.