So, as I have discussed many a time I was diagnosed as being Autistic at the age of 31. Before then I was getting things wrong in a major way in my life.
I would jump from one relationship to another one. I would get so down in work that I never lasted longer than 3 years. Shortest job I had was 2 months. I could never be happy. Even when I was happy it was limited.
But, in 2018 (after my diagnosis) my longest relationship ended. We ended as friends which is something that I am eternally grateful for. What it also gave me however, was the ability to think what I needed for me. I was struggling with my diagnosis because I had some people talking about how I was acting up to the diagnosis and others who plain refused to admit it. For me it was like I had a weight lifted off of my shoulder which meant that I could actually be myself for the first time in 31 years.
Since then I have learned that only you can make yourself happy. It sounds simple enough and you may find people saying “No Doy”. But this is a hard thing to do. We put so much of our self worth into what other people think of us that we forget that we are all separate and unique individuals. Even in this lock down situation we find it hard to make ourselves happy. But what does it mean to make yourself happy?
For me, it is doing things that I plan to do. So, I took a week off of work and I wanted to deep clean my flat. It has taken me all week, there has been a lot of ouchies but I did it. This makes me happy. I am teaching myself to code and this makes me happy as I am learning a new skill. I watch videos such as SmileSquad online and those guys and gals always make me laugh.. Check it out!. I watch videos by Dhar Mann and those make me happy to watch and I help people where I can even with the limitations that I have and that makes me happy.
Had me and my ex never broken up I don’t know if I would have been able to find this side of me. I was so dependant on him for my own self worth (not in an abusive way) but just because most of our relationship was before my Autism diagnosis that when we broke up I refused to just jump back in to another relationship. Honestly, it has been the best thing to of happened to me. I am now making myself happy and depending on myself for that. 🙂
You can do it to. Find your ways to make yourself happy 🙂