suzefricker@mylifeaccordingtome.org Available all the time, just send me an email and I will get back to you.

The world is broken

The world is broken.

I am not just talking about one country or another, I mean the world.

No matter where you go in the world there are people who are thrown to the dirt by society and treated less then they are. Where those of us who really try to be part of society even though they have to battle their own bodies to do it and we are ignored and subjected to cruelty.

I was scared to use public transport in London because when I really needed a seat because of my back I was left with comments such as “you do not need a seat, you need to lose weight” or “standing will fucking help you lose your fat, you fat bitch”. No matter what I tried people would be so cruel. I had a meltdown in the underground and I would get people kicking me because I got into a state that I had to stop and sit down. I even had people tell me that it was my fault that I had a meltdown and I should stop being selfish.

Across the world, we have veterans who fight for our freedoms who are discarded when they can no longer do their job. They give their minds, bodies, and souls for protection and when their mind breaks or their body breaks no one gives a fuck and they just look away when they see them on the street begging for our scraps. What’s worse is there are people out there who pretend to be homeless so that people lose faith in helping anyone who really needs it.

Because money is tight for me, I don’t give it up lightly but what I do do is buy a pack of smokes or food for people and sit and talk to them. I don’t have much but what I do have I will give no matter who you are, what country you’re in, what you believe in or what you look like.

We have a world where people who are supposed to give a shit just don’t and we are left to our own devices.

What can we do with this broken world?

I do it every day. I am nice to everyone I can be nice too. When I am able to help anyone even if it is a stranger I will and I will always do what I can to make the world a nicer place. The world is broken but I still believe in the goodness of people. It is inside all of you. You just have to do something about it.

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On this day

On this day May 30 the following things happen;

  1. 1539 Spanish explorer Hernando De Soto discovers Florida;
  2. 1959 The Auckland Harbour Bridge in New Zealand is opened;
  3. 1989 Food riots threaten the stability in Argentina;
  4. 1846 Peter Carl Faberge is born;
  5. 1498 Christopher Columbus embarks on his third voyage;
  6. 1908 Mel Blanc is born;
  7. 2003 Bob Hopes 100 birthday;
  8. 1536 King Henry VII of England marries Jane Seymour;
  9. 1909 Benny Goodman is born;
  10. 1640 Peter Paul Rubens Died;
  11. 1744 Alexander Pope died;
  12. 1788 Voltaire died;1593 Marlowe died in a pub brawl;

Meltdown – remembering

So because today I have been recovering from my meltdown yesterday, I have been thinking about my childhood. Obviously, I was not diagnosed with my autism until very later in my adult life and I have pushed things to the back of my mind but today I have been thinking about all the random times.

There are two that I currently remember. Once when my mum decided that my sister and I had to walk to school on our own. I was thrown because she had never done this before and I broke down into a major wreck until and crying massively. My mum had to come down and in the end, had to take us to school.

In hindsight, this was due to the change in my routine which I could not handle. This is something that could have been worked on had I been diagnosed as a child. My mum would have known not to change my routine and honestly, it could have saved some people some stress. I had to deal with many things that day, however, I remember that meltdown clearly in my head.

The other time was when I was a teenager. Once again I was supposed to be able to go to the library with my sister. My parents were supposed to come with me however, my dad had to work suddenly and could not come. My mum was also sick that day and could not come to the flat. Once again this was a change to my routine and I broke down into tears and kept saying “bye” to the front door. My sister, at the time, got so annoyed she punched me in the stomach. My dad heard my scream from the flat and came running down the stairs and brought us up to the flat. I then spent the rest of the day curled up on my parent’s bed and I wouldn’t speak to anyone including my sister.

Again, in hindsight, had I been diagnosed maybe they would have not made plans that could potentially be changed and maybe be a way in which they would be kinder to me. That would seriously have been better.

What I remember is that I was drained after each meltdown, however, I don’t remember having it feel like this before. Maybe the older I get the harder to deal with the aftermath of a meltdown.

Honestly, I wish I had a service dog to help me 😦 What I am noticing that now I have been diagnosed I am trying to embrace both the positive and negative parts of it, however, the negative sides can be quite horrid. Now I have the diagnosis I do not need to hide it which made it worse, however, embracing it would be so difficult.