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Faith, Autism, Gender, Sexuality and Gender Identity, Disability

So, I bet that this has really got your attention. It is not something you would usually see in the same sentence however I feel that it is something that should be shown. This all falls under the term of intersectionality. Intersectionality shows where people are not just one thing, you are part of many different communities.

Sometimes, however, this is something that could be in conflict with each other. Take for example faith and autism. I am a Christian, and I believe in Jesus and God however, the literal side of my brain (the autistic side) raises up questions. For instance, whilst I wholeheartedly believe in the Lent story, however, how can a man survive 40 days and 40 nights without food? Surely Jesus must have eaten at some point? 5 whole weeks with absolutely no food, physical impossibility even if he drank water.  Gandhi was able to survive 3 weeks without food however I just can’t understand how Jesus survived 5 weeks. Nothing in the bible explains how he survived 5 weeks without food. Surely as a human, he would have died as the body would not have had any fuel to keep it going.

As a woman, I have a lot of issues with the world today. I am subject to norms that society choose to put on me i.e. mother, wife, caregiver however for me this is something I rale against. I am more than a typical woman however I know I always have to fight about what people expect of me. This is very hard to deal with in today’s society especially when you think in religious terms. Christianity has had issues over women being in ministry which for me is something I don’t understand with my autistic brain because I really do not understand how on the one hand, we are made in Gods image, yet the Christian faith said that women are unable to preach his message. How can God really be against anyone who feels like they have been given the ability and the mission to preach his message to the masses?

Again, Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity is something that I feel is something that is impacted on the life of things. I have come to know that I am gender fluid.  It means that depending on the day, I identify as either man or woman. I do not think I am a man in a woman’s body I just feel more masculine on some days and more feminine on other days. I used to deal with this by buying men’s clothes however, my last relationship made this something that was impossible for me to do.  With my disabilities, this can be a little bit more tricky as I have to wear clothes that are suitable for my needs but it still is not to be ignored. One of the things that I do however to show the side of me I want is let the hair on my top lip to grow. I am not as concerned about keeping that area clean and the same for the legs. It is important to me that I am always true to who I am and yet, I am a Christian who believes in God, yet, the Bible does not recognize the difference.

So to sum this up. I am A Christian Woman, who has disabilities, who is heterosexual and Gender Fluid… SUE ME!


Gender Identity – Continued

I made a post earlier (a while ago) where I discussed my issues over gender identity. This was a big step for me. It is not something that I am used to being open about. I took it one step forward this week, I spoke to a colleague about it and she informed me that it is in line with the label “gender fluid”.

The definition of Gender Fluid is “denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender”. This is generally how I feel on a day to day basis. The idea for me is that even though I was born a female I don’t always feel like it. Until my last relationship where I was “forbidden” from buying men’s clothes, I had both men’s clothes and women’s clothes in my wardrobe. When I had to go to work I would go out in what I was expected to be seen in but when I was at home it was a toss-up between men and women’s clothes. I would go with whatever felt comfortable with at the time.

Because I was unable to wear the clothes I wanted to all the time, I started displaying some more masculine traits during my last relationship. If someone did something that offended me I would be more of a brawler and acted more like a man would, especially when it came to protecting female friends. Although, this gave me the image that I was not a feminine woman which was a turn off to men, which whilst I was in a relationship was not a worry but now I am single again, is a concern.

However, I was the other day called a very feminine woman, the reason behind it was I crossed my ankles at a meeting. It was such a surprise to the person who saw it that they felt they had to say something. I do not know how to feel about it really.

I do have one thing to say, even if I am gender fluid, it is still me. I am still the same person who I was 10-20 years ago however, I just don’t identify one way or another. I, do, however, respect the gender that I was born into and the struggles that the gender I went through to get the rights that they have now.

Gender Identity

So tonight I want to talk about something that is really close to my heart. It is not something I really talk about so please be kind.

For me, Gender Identity has always been something that alludes me. I do not identify as a different gender and I was born female. However, my ex, used to joke that I was a man trapped in a woman’s body. I used to always shop for clothes in the men’s section until he came along. My wardrobe regularly consists of baggy clothes and I even sit like a man would sit, however, I was born female.

I also, however, have female qualities. I obsess over the way I look and if I am pretty enough for other people. I get self-conscious of my weight and when I am dating someone I always worry they’re looking at someone more prettier then I am. I don’t mind wearing girls clothes under the right circumstance and have even had bouts where wearing make up is something I actively want to do.

Some people call me a tomboy, others, like my ex, say I am a man trapped in a woman’s body. I don’t really know what this means for me. Part of me thinks that I identify as a humafridite but funnily enough there is not an option for that currently.

It can be so very confusing when you don’t really know what you identify as but I guess part of me identifies as male and part of me as female, or, if you think about it, I am just special.