I created a gofundme page so that I can start paying for support to help me with my independence. The only people who seem to be offering support for help with my needs are people who want me to commit money laundering. Seriously What the FUCK.
I need home care support to help me;
Buddying to help get me out and about;
All of this cost and I have no money because I choose not to be a disabled person who lives on benefits. I want to work. However, it seems that the only way I can get support for free I need to not be working 😦
I am not willing to commit a crime to get the money I need.
When I was in London this week helping my mum with my dad and working I watched a show called Secert Teacher.
Steven Barlett went undercover in a school to give two young people an opportunity they never would have had. But I wonder, where is the help for those of us who came before.
I am older then he is by 7 years so when he was in reception I was already in year 7 & 8. I had dreams but growing up for me in the 90s was hard going. Girls could not be autistic and dyslexia was ignored by schools unless parents forced the issue. So I went through school being told I was lazy and not understanding why I was not like everyone else. I honestly didn’t even think I would get GCSEs and thought that my only aspiration in life would be a toilet cleaner if that. All but one school wrote me off.
Where was my millionaire to help me? No where in site.
I am like many people in my age group who got missed and ignored by the system due to lack of knowledge and pure ignorance. Maybe one day someone will reward me and help me get the things I need done done. But that is highly unlikely. I guess this generation gets all the break and my generation gets to stay invisible and our dreams ignored.
Now I keep my dreams to myself because I know, I have no way to achieve them and where people like Steven Bartlett can succeed people like me can’t.
I feel like giving up.
Again I have been rejected for help and support for my disabilities. Everywhere I was being bogged off too I have tried to contact and in over a month they have not gotten back to me.
There are potential benefits that I could possibly apply but no one is telling me how to apply for them.
How the hell am I supposed to get support? I will have to pay for it now and honestly how the hell am I going to do that? £725 per month in rent £300 in bills and £370 to pay for a loan. £200 spare of my salary and £400 in disabilities which comes in once every 4 weeks. This does not tally with my other personal bills will I pay £250 a month to. I only get £1600 per month so I have to live off my benefits for food and other things so that I am able to get support.
I am an abuse survivor and no one is able to help me. I am seriously angry and upset.
Honestly, how can I continue to support other people when I get zero support in return. I feel like giving up.
I thought I would give you an update from my move. It has been a while since I moved in now so things are going ok. I am trying very hard to be independent and it can be very difficult. When I am having issues with my disabilities that is something that I find hard when I am on my own. When I was living full time with my parents they would help me out and now I have to sort things out myself.
I am doing things however for myself. I am traveling between Chatham and London and I get out for the HUB when I am working. I work from home as well.
It is hard and trying to get the support I need however I am doing the best I can.
Just an update for you all 🙂
I am invisible. I have been invisible since I was in school. Not one of the 3 primary schools and two secondary schools picked up on the fact that I was dyslexic. The medical society refused to recognize women with autism unless they were seriously on one end of the scale so we just got labeled problem children.
I am invisible. That’s why I can’t be seen by people.
The world is a scary place for me. I am trying very hard to live my life as someone who is a productive member of society but it can be difficult when it seems that everything is set up against you. When the world is apathetic to the people who do everything that they can to live life outside the image that is placed on them. When you look at people and they label you names such as #WelfareQueen etc and all you want to do is scream and say, “WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW HARD I FIGHT?”
I am feeling this at the moment because of the lack of support I have had in my life. I do everything I can to get the world to see things my way however, it is a world that turns their back on me and kicks me to the dirt 100% of the time.
I turned 33 on Sunday and what I got for it was more debt to my family and no presents. I had to move because of a potential issue that could affect my wellbeing and no help or support from councils. Yet, do I still turn my head away? No. I always reach out to people to see if I am able to help. I do what I can to raise awareness on disability everywhere and yet the world tells me to get fucked.
All I have ever wanted to do since I realized that I was someone who got screwed over by being born in the decade I was when medical science was not where it should have been and so I got missed, is to make sure that when I leave this world I leave it a nicer place than when I found it. This can be very challenging at the best of time however I am trying to get sorted one person at a time.
Some times, however, my faith in my mission feels like a long shot. When I realize that there are people out there who just do not give a damn.
Through work, I joined the Leadership Academy Programme which I graduated from on Thursday. It was amazing!
There is something to be said for attending a course where it is a safe space and you can be open and honest about your disabilities. I found it really interesting and even though some parts of it were things I covered in my Business Administration Course, the majority fo it was things that I did not know. Even the trainer was able to be open and honest about his own disabilities.
I would recommend anyone with disabilities attending this course. Well worth it!