suzefricker@mylifeaccordingtome.org Available all the time, just send me an email and I will get back to you.

I moved out!

So, June 29, 2019, I finally moved out of my parents home. This is a major achievement for me. When I tried to move out previously I crashed and burned partly because I did not have support for my AUtism. I wasn’t even diagnosed at that point. So, the fact that I managed to move out is amazing.

I am still very scared about it as I don’t have certain things that I need for example I do not have a table and chairs to eat at, proper sofas, coffee table but I am getting there, I think.

The unpacking is a very long process for me and it is taking me a while to get everything sorted :S.

However, I have been doing things that I hadn’t done before. I found a commuter hub near me so when I am working from home, if I do not want to work on my own then I can just go two doors down and work in the commuter hub. I have found my local post office and my local doctors. My mum is keeping a room for me so that if I need a break and some mummy love to avoid me crashing and burning again, I will have somewhere to go. Also, she is letting me come and stay with them when I need to work longer than 1 day in the office so that it saves me on travel costs. I know the easy route to walk to the station and where the buses go.

I have yet to set up my autism support but that will come.

The sad part is that I do not have any birthday presents or cards this year and I had to move PDQ because I found out that my abusive ex is likely to move back to London and as such I did not want him knowing where I lived. At work, I had security persons to keep him away but at home not so much so I had to move pretty sharpish to feel safe. Honestly, though I choose the right place for me. I am happy with the place I have. It might be further out but you know what it is mine and I love it.

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Feeling a little low

Feeling a little low tonight.

Remembering the training course I have been on. The teacher makes these comments about me and I just want to hide away. I feel he needs to learn more about tolerance of people with other disabilities. I feel like I have to hide away. I don’t think I will ever go on any training course where this trainer is teaching ever again.

Spoon Theory, Social Energy and Music

So, its sounds like a crazy title of a blog on disability however today I wanted to talk about these thing.

Lets start with Spoon Theory. This is a theory that people with disabilities have x amount of spoons for each day and they have to apportion the spoons so that they can make sure that they have enough to get through the day. Every time that you do something starting with getting up in the morning you loose a spoon. The idea is to not be in negative numbers (or borrow against the next day).

Social energy is relating to neurodiverse conditions which states that a Neurotypical person has one size tank and neurodiverse people have a smaller tank. Like Spoon Theory your tank empties during the day however, unlike spoon theory you can do things to refill your tank. The idea is that you need to know where your tank is and know when you need to go out. Because a neurodiverse persons tank is smaller it empties a lot quicker and when you get to around 30% your in the danger zone of meltdowns or over-stimulation. So you have to manage your tank well and take regular breaks so that you never get to that 30% mark or below.

Now, you may be wondering where music comes into this. Well, for me, Listening to music is one of the ways I refill my tank. It doesn’t help with the spoons but it helps with the tank. You see most people with disabilities have more that one condition. A lot of Autistic people I have met also have another medical condition which also relies on the spoon theory as well. it is easy to say that you follow one or the other theory but the truth is that it does not always work.

This, I have learned the hard way. I have tried living with one theory and realised I have struggled and not understood why until I found the other one. There is also nothing wrong with following both theories either. You can be low on spoons and have to plan the rest of your day carefully however, you are able to say you have a 1/2 full tank. This is what I choose to do on a regular basis and so far it has worked.

I am not saying that it works for everyone but here are some helpful things for you to remember;

  • If you are following spoon theory make sure that you know how many spoons you start off with for the day. Some people could start off with more then others depending on their condition and how it affects them.
  • If you follow the social energy theory then you have to keep a regular eye on your mood and when you feel the most hyperactive.
  • If you follow the social energy theory, know what will help you refil your tank. For me, I get to the 30% mark and I stick my headphones in and start listening to music. He helps bring me back to an even keel and I am a lot better then I was before I put them in.
  • But most importantly, know yourself. Know which is best for you. If you dont need to use spoon theory dont as it can cause you stress and vice versa with the social energy tank.

What I have found with this is that I am able to do a lot more a a proud disabled person by following these theories and you can do so as well. Just find what works for you.

Ryanair – Disgusting

So, I have just heard that Ryan air has caused problems for an autistic child. Seriously angry about this because as an Autistic woman who has been treated poorly by an airline I know how stressful it can be. The fact that they are passing the buck to the airport is disgusting. If the Ryanair people were not to fault why did they not find a way to get them home.

From my own experience, I know that the airlines work with the airports for all their passengers and if one fails they all fail.

Ryanair needs to apologize and the people who laid hands on him need to make sure that their staff training is better…much better. I am never EVER going to fly with Ryanair.

The Autistic Brain

Through talking to other autistic people I feel like I can say this with confidence. When you have to get something out you gotta get it out. I regularly find myself with songs stuck in my head and the only way to get it to stop is to sing it. It is important for me to get it out otherwise I get stressed out.

Before my diagnosis, my ex used to get frustrated with me because we would be having dinner and then I would just start singing something. Before my diagnosis, I did not understand why I did it, but now I do and when I need to get something out, I just gotta get it out. Sometimes it has to be a couple of times before it goes but it goes away eventually.

Just remember if you are autistic and you need to get it out just do it. Don’t be concerned about the people around you. It would be worse if you kept it in and that lead to a meltdown.

Men so cruel

I have seriously decided men are really cruel.

I was trying to date again and when people found out that I was disabled one guy walked out of the date and the other one said: “I could get past your looks, but disabled too, damaged goods”. It is seriously mean and cruel for people to say things like this.

Honestly, I hated it. What is wrong with me? I have a kind heart and work very hard and yet people are soo mean to me. Why? Why do you have to get your rocks off hurting me 😦

AHHHHHHHHHHHH