suzefricker@mylifeaccordingtome.org Available all the time, just send me an email and I will get back to you.

I moved out!

So, June 29, 2019, I finally moved out of my parents home. This is a major achievement for me. When I tried to move out previously I crashed and burned partly because I did not have support for my AUtism. I wasn’t even diagnosed at that point. So, the fact that I managed to move out is amazing.

I am still very scared about it as I don’t have certain things that I need for example I do not have a table and chairs to eat at, proper sofas, coffee table but I am getting there, I think.

The unpacking is a very long process for me and it is taking me a while to get everything sorted :S.

However, I have been doing things that I hadn’t done before. I found a commuter hub near me so when I am working from home, if I do not want to work on my own then I can just go two doors down and work in the commuter hub. I have found my local post office and my local doctors. My mum is keeping a room for me so that if I need a break and some mummy love to avoid me crashing and burning again, I will have somewhere to go. Also, she is letting me come and stay with them when I need to work longer than 1 day in the office so that it saves me on travel costs. I know the easy route to walk to the station and where the buses go.

I have yet to set up my autism support but that will come.

The sad part is that I do not have any birthday presents or cards this year and I had to move PDQ because I found out that my abusive ex is likely to move back to London and as such I did not want him knowing where I lived. At work, I had security persons to keep him away but at home not so much so I had to move pretty sharpish to feel safe. Honestly, though I choose the right place for me. I am happy with the place I have. It might be further out but you know what it is mine and I love it.

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Safety Word for abuse survivors

As victims of abuse, we have a keen sense of what is right and wrong for us. We have been through hell and we feel lost. However, it can be something that we struggle with when it comes to staying safe.

Here are some safety tips I have learned myself:

  1. Block your abuser on ALL social media, facebook, twitter, linkedin, Instagram and snap chat. Also, any new platforms that you may come up.
  2. Change your mobile phone number; if they can’t call you they can’t reach you
  3. Any extra behavior that seems suspicious keep a record. Don’t feel guilty, or ashamed about going to the police. They take any form of domestic situations seriously. Even the slightest bit of concern get something on the report.
  4. If you are concerned about where you live to see what you can do to move

The key thing is to keep surviving 🙂 I know it is hard to do but it is the only way that we can make a bad thing good again.

I hope this helps. I am trying to get the money together to be able to move. I hope this helps.

Abuse – the realization

Recently I have realized that I have been a victim of abuse for many years. This was not physical, he did not hit me, what he did was worse. He tried to make me love him even when I was happy with someone else. He would make me feel that no matter what happened that he was the only one for me and yet whenever we got together he would break up with me, again and again, and again. He would not only just make me love him but he would find new ways to torture me…

But, I have finally found my footing and have managed to block him everywhere, I have stopped him from being able to find out anything about me and cut ties with anyone I don’t trust. I have filed a report with the police so if my ex tries to get back into my life again he will be completely screwed. I just wish I didn’t live where I live anymore as he knows where I am. I am done being his victim.

 

Struggles of an Autistic

As people here know, I was diagnosed as autistic at the beginning of the year. It started to make more sense to me about what I go through on a daily basis. One thing, in particular, is my routine. We have made it so that every Friday is our Pizza night.

However, what makes it 10 times worse is when you live with people who do not understand or believe in the diagnosis that you were given. They neither like to help or prepare me when my routine is changed. When I question why my routine is changed they give me grief, abuse, and anger. I don’t understand why they can’t just accept that I am autistic and I need an like my routine.

I need to get away from here. I need to be free to be me… but how can I do that when people don’t want to help me and judge me for everything that I do. I need help.

Frustrated

I am frustrated with the social housing situation in the UK. When people who are allowed to abuse the social housing situation in this country. There are, however, people like me who are struggling to get a place of their own, barely able to afford private rented and is not allowed to get social housing. With medical issues and problems within this estate and yet I get screwed over. Now I am stuck in a living situation which is detrimental to my wellbeing and I am not allowed help.

I am now stuck having to go through crowdfunding in the hopes that I will be able to get anything to help me, even if it is just enough to put into savings to help me.

If anyone can help, I am at my wit’s end. https://bit.ly/2ValjRf

Gender inequality -> the side you don’t hear!

As today is International Men’s day and after hearing some amazing things at work, I feel this post has to be done.

Note to all hardcore feminists out there: I have been shouted at and already had some nasty things said to be for this point of view but guess what, I don’t care because honestly, it is the truth.

Though yes, women do have some rough times which we have had to fight for what we have including the right to vote, to an education, to work and even to be able to get divorced there is one key thing that kills me… Gender equality also affects men, so why are their issues not brought to the table like women are?

When a woman is raped she has lots of sympathies thrown her way. She is supported by many organisations to help with the trauma she has been through and guided through the process of putting their attackers behind bars. But what about men?

Men, both gay and straight, can be raped or suffer vicious attacks. So to can transgender and nonbinary people.

“According to a 2017 crime survey by the ONS, in 2017 alone there were around 138,000 reports of sexual assaults against men that year.”  https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Can you imagine 138000 men being raped? If you read the article fully it also says this may be an underestimation because men are too afraid to come forward. How can we live in a world where there are people out there who have been victims of rape who are more scared of reporting then they are off living their lives. This is something that cant go on.

Don’t get me wrong, women have a very bad time when it comes to Rape as people can say, “well she was asking for it” or  “she led him on”. This is also known as victim shaming. However, if a gay man is raped, I know from someone who has not given me permission to use his name, was told, “how can you be raped by another man, your GAY?” The other misconception that is out there is that men can’t be raped because they are the ones who penetrate or clearly get aroused. I will tell you what I say to everyone, JUST BECAUSE YOU CLIMAX DOESNT MEAN YOU WERE NOT RAPED. SEX WITH NO CONSENT NO MATTER YOUR GENDER, SEXUALITY, RELIGION OR LIVING SITUATION IS RAPE!!!!!!

People are so used to the idea that men are the perpetrators of violence that there is no way they can be a victim. in 2009 only 13% of men who were victims of domestic abuse reported it. Can you imagine what those brave 13% must have felt like reporting? The shame they may have been feeling because of the outside world men are not the victims but they are perpetrators. A woman can go to a police station and say my husband is hitting me, and don’t get me wrong Domestic abuse whether the victim is male or female is wrong, yet people are more inclined to believe a woman than a man.

But why is this the case? Men who become victims are the men that we women should really prefer to have. They do not hit women, even if they are concerned about something so there are women out there that have taken advantage of this and seen it as weakness. Abuse of power in its truest form.

When a man hits a woman it’s terrible but when a woman abuses a man its laughable? talk about gender inequality and double standards. This world has made it so hard for men to come forward.

“In 2017, 4,382 men took their own lives, an average of 12 per day” https://uk.news.yahoo.com/international-men-apos-day-2018-161404955.html

Suicide is not solely caused by someone being a victim of something, however, how many men out of the 12 per day may have been a victim of a crime? You honestly can’t say that it is solely due to mental health because if it was, I would say we have a health crisis on our hands! Let us be real here. An Average of 12 men per day took their own lives last year and yet gender equality seems only to cover female gender equality. This has to stop!

True Gender Equality can never EVER become a real possibility until both sides are equally represented it just can’t.

Now, this is a call out to all men and women alike, I am a survivor of Physical, Mental and sexual abuse. I know how hard it is to disclose and for certain things, there are people I can’t disclose to because of my history. I will however say, do not go it alone, I did for a long time and it did me no good. I had to figure out what I was going to do and had to do the hard work yourself. If you are being victimised please reach out to someone and disclose where you can. Even if you just ask for someone who is anonymous to help you find out your support please reach out. Even if you just reach out to me in a comment and ask me for my email address (it doesnt even have to be on this post to hide why, I will do what I can) Men you do not have to suffer alone in the darkness. 

 

Hopelessness

Today I am going to talk about hopelessness. This is something that I am feeling at the moment. I live in an abusive household and the thing that is holding me back honestly is the lack of cash. I have tried raising money through gofundme to help me get what I need to continue with my Thank You Campaign as well as finding somewhere to live but never get anywhere. I am now at a stage where I have just given up. I just have to accept that I am not going to be the person who gets out of their bad situation. I just have a sheer sense of hopelessness and apathy now.

Unless I get a HUGE random act of kindness in the form of money or win the lottery I am resigned to my lot in life..