Autism Journal

So I have decided that I am going to keep a record of things that confuse me and things that worry me related to my autism. So far I have been doing it since Friday. I am hoping that through doing this, I can speak to my support worker for understanding on why it is and how to deal with it… Fingers crossed it works.


Life with multiple disabilities

Living life with a disability is hard. When you live a life with multiple ones can at times, be unbearable. I have 4 disabilities, Autism, Dyslexia, Depression and Spinal problems. It is something that at times can regularly come into conflict with each other. When I have a really bad day with my back I stay indoors and do what I can to ease the pain. The problem comes when the bad day lasts longer than one day and I have to stay indoors for longer periods of time. I start feeling low, my mood goes and my self-care goes out the window. This then causes my depression to go out the window.

With my autism, when I have a meltdown it can have a negative impact on my physical wellbeing and then the above happens again and again. It can be quite maddening. I am trying very hard to live my life but it also seems like there is no support for people in my situation 😦 But, we can survive. We can move on. We can keep the wheels turning but it means that we must keep fighting. Life is not simple however we can survive it.


Service Dogs – UK


I want to get a service dog. It is becoming clear that certain parts of the City of London are no good for me as an autistic person and I end  up in vulnerable situations where I am in the process of having a melt down and I dont know where to get help. When I am in meltdown mode I loose a lot of ability to speak to people I dont know and feel that a service dog that will help me if nothing else, give people a clue that I need help and to keep me safe when I am having a meltdown is something I need.

I also need one, I feel to keep me mentally ok as I would have the dog to focus on which would mean I would get out more and it would help me with my spine problems as well as helping me with things I really struggle with which is picking things up off the floor, getting laundery out of the machine and helping me in the streets when I need it.

So my question is:

  1. How in the UK do I go about getting one?
  2. Does it cost to get one;
  3. Can anyone help me in the process?

All help would be welcome.

Call to action

I need help. I have finally realised something about the housing process and I need help. I will be sending a letter with an application form to Westminster Council asking for help to get onto the housing register. They rejected me once, but due to my autism and having no help or support to fill the form out I did not completely and amply explain my situation. I am hoping this will make them reconsider. But I need your help. I am calling on every Christian, Muslim, Seik, Jew, Rich, Poor, Black, White, Asian, American, Arab, Brit, Aussie, and everyone else who falls into these categories to help me. I need to find somewhere to live that is suitable. I need my own space which is affordable and that will accept animals as I want to get a service dog to help me.

When Westminster rejected me they sent me a letter I never even received. They also were going to email me the letter which again I never received. I had to call up to find out that I had been rejected. The London Borough of Westminster have at least sent me the application form. The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea havent even done this. I get given the run around all the time being told one thing from one person and another thing from someone else. I need help and this is my final straw.

This is the letter I am sending.


Dear Sirs,




I am writing this letter as a back up to my application as I find that the application does not have enough space to capture everything you need to take into consideration.


I am an Autistic adult who currently resides in the borough of Kensington and Chelsea.


I need to move out and into my own place however, I am unable to afford a suitable living space for me in the private rented sector of housing. This is due to the fact the following facts:


  1. Having lived in shared accommodation before (prior to my autism diagnosis) and the negative experiences I had from it, I am not able to be in a shared living situation with people who are not my own family. Therefore, this is really not something that I can do.
  2. Due to my autism, I can not face sharing toilets with people and feel compelled to clean them should anyone else use them which is once again not a suitable solution.
  3. The private rented sector is far to expensive for me as I could at most, afford £700 per calendar month (without bills included) and outside of house shares this is almost impossible to find. Because of my salary, I earn to much to get housing benefits but not enough to rent somewhere my own.
  4. Due to having difficulties on the underground, I am looking at the possibility of getting a service dog to support me both for my autism, and for my physical disabilities. Most house shares and privately rented flats will not accept animals, I have been making inquiries and this is what I am being told.

The flat I am currently in is rented by my parents through Peabody and I am only an occupant to my parent’s tenancy and as such Peabodies have said they can not and will not help rehome me as I am not their direct tenant.


My conditions are:


  1. Autism (ASD)
  2. Dyslexia
  3. Depression
  4. Spinal problems – Scoliosis


The flat I currently reside in is increasingly getting more difficult for me to be in for numerous reasons which are:


  1. One of my neighbors has been terrorizing women on this estate which last year lead me to make a police report. Unfortunately, due to my lack of understanding of what I could and could not do to support me, I did not take it forward and spent the better part of 2018 in fear of what might happen. This lead to me having full-blown panic attacks around when I saw him. This leads me into therapy which was conducted at St Charles Hospital with the Community Living Well Team. Whilst I have been discharged from their care as I have reached my maximum number of the session it is something I still have to work on solo now which can be good or bad.


This neighbor has since my incident with him in May 2018 has continued his concerning behavior which culminated in him attacking and assaulting another tenant. Even though he is laying low, I am always in fear of what he may do when he believes the heat has cooled off of him. The issues with this neighbor have caused serious problems with my depression to the extent for a long time I would avoid leaving the flat at all just because I was afraid to see him. Because I had avoided leaving the flat for long periods of time I would have a lot of trouble with my own self-care, forgetting to shower, clean my teeth or even get out of bed.


  1. There is another tenant here who has a serious drug problem and allows all sorts of people use her flat. This has caused serious concerns for me and my anxiety and depression. The misery this woman has caused has affected me quite dramatically.


  1. Because of my spinal problems living on the first floor is difficult. My parents flat is so big that I can get pain just walking from one end to the other. I have had some adoptions by social services but that does not help with the pain I get just walking the length of the flat.


  1. The stairs in the block are something I have difficulty with due to hypermobile knees and so if I have to walk down the stairs (when the lift is out) I risk collapsing at the bottom which in turn means if the lift is out I stay indoors. This can affect my depression on a large scale.


  1. The distance from the entrance of the block to the gate is quite a distance and uphill that I regularly have to stop and sit down or I will end up in tears by the time I get to the gate. I have spoken to RBKC Social Services and they have said that because the Block stairs are narrow and communal areas they can’t provide any form of adaption for it I am just stuck with it. They have also said that because the main part to the gate is also a driveway there is nothing they would be able to suggest anything that could help.


  1. I also have an ex-boyfriend who has shown some concerning behavior which I have now had to make a police report just in case he turns up at my front door. He, the ex-boyfriend was emotionally abusive and caused me great distress including a depressive episode. I really do not want to be living here where he knows where I live.


Living here is affecting me on all scales which my support worker thinks has contributed to some of my recent meltdowns (which are linked to my autism). These meltdowns have also had a physical effect on my body which also takes me a few days to recover from.


I am desperate for help and somewhere to live where I feel safe and I can have the things I need to live independently. I need to be put onto the register so that I can get somewhere to live.


Kind regards


Yours Faithfully

Help me by sharing this with anyone you know and help me get action taken so that I will finally be put on the housing register and rehomed somewhere I can afford so I no longer have to beg for help on gofundme to help me move outside of London. I need help. Help me keep my dignity


Once again I am asking the world for help. It is really not nice for me asking for help because honestly, I am usually the one giving it. So here is why you should help me on gofundme by either donating or sharing my link.

Why I need the money:

I need to move to keep myself safe from an ex who was and if allowed to continue to be emotionally abusive. He is a man who continued to treat me as something he could pick up and drop at the flip of a coin. He messed with my head so much that even now I struggle to believe I am worth someone good. I can’t change where I work but I can change where I live and this money would go towards helping me move somewhere safe and still be able to afford to get to work etc.

Why Should you help me:

I am a good person. You may think yea yea we hear this a lot but I am.

Even though I could, I work despite my disabilities and mentor people who have the same disabilities as me so that they can be confident to work as well.

I started my own campaign to make sure men and women who serve and protect communities, cities, and countries know that they are appreciated for all they do.

I volunteer with a military charity and write to active service men and women who are stationed away from home to help keep their morale up.

I help anyone in need. Recently been supporting a neighbor who has been going through hell with someone who was causing her serious stress and putting her in danger. I helped someone else out of a bad domestic abuse situation including making sure she was safe when she didn’t feel it.

I have never asked for praise for anything I do because I don’t do it for praise but for the fact that I want to make the world a nicer place to live.

So what now?

Please donate to my go fund me page: I really need your help. If you can’t afford to donate, please share my link. I am getting desperate. I need to move.

I am an Autistic with dyslexia, depression and spinal problems living in a situation where I want to cry almost daily and jump at any noise I hear when traveling. Please help me.

Meltdown – remembering

So because today I have been recovering from my meltdown yesterday, I have been thinking about my childhood. Obviously, I was not diagnosed with my autism until very later in my adult life and I have pushed things to the back of my mind but today I have been thinking about all the random times.

There are two that I currently remember. Once when my mum decided that my sister and I had to walk to school on our own. I was thrown because she had never done this before and I broke down into a major wreck until and crying massively. My mum had to come down and in the end, had to take us to school.

In hindsight, this was due to the change in my routine which I could not handle. This is something that could have been worked on had I been diagnosed as a child. My mum would have known not to change my routine and honestly, it could have saved some people some stress. I had to deal with many things that day, however, I remember that meltdown clearly in my head.

The other time was when I was a teenager. Once again I was supposed to be able to go to the library with my sister. My parents were supposed to come with me however, my dad had to work suddenly and could not come. My mum was also sick that day and could not come to the flat. Once again this was a change to my routine and I broke down into tears and kept saying “bye” to the front door. My sister, at the time, got so annoyed she punched me in the stomach. My dad heard my scream from the flat and came running down the stairs and brought us up to the flat. I then spent the rest of the day curled up on my parent’s bed and I wouldn’t speak to anyone including my sister.

Again, in hindsight, had I been diagnosed maybe they would have not made plans that could potentially be changed and maybe be a way in which they would be kinder to me. That would seriously have been better.

What I remember is that I was drained after each meltdown, however, I don’t remember having it feel like this before. Maybe the older I get the harder to deal with the aftermath of a meltdown.

Honestly, I wish I had a service dog to help me 😦 What I am noticing that now I have been diagnosed I am trying to embrace both the positive and negative parts of it, however, the negative sides can be quite horrid. Now I have the diagnosis I do not need to hide it which made it worse, however, embracing it would be so difficult.

London – Not a good place for someone with Autism

I have decided today, after coming home from work stressed, having vomited on the tube and in tears that London is no place for someone with Autism.

Let’s start at the beginning.

I got to the underground station and I have people pushing and shoving me,. I don’t like being touched unless it is something that I have instigated like hugs etc so having people bumping me, pushing me and shoving me was NOT good… Even got pushed into a tube door when someone tried to get passed me to get off the tube, before the door had opened.

I got to my change station, and had two foreign women either side of me screaming in my ears and when I looked at them to say something I swear they might have slapped me so I didn’t say a word which made me get worse.

I got on my second tube and the same woman kept standing on my feet repeatedly.

Then a man came onto the tube with so much smelly stuff on I was actually physically sick. This would also be the same man who saw that I was using the bar next to my seat and CHOSE to stand when his bum was on the bar. I just had to curl up in my seat and hope for the best. Even stuck half my face down my top so that I didn’t smell him but me, and STILL I smelt him.

I got home and was so stressed I was pulling my hair and crying. Full melt down… Now I am exhausted I will be having a shower and going to bed.

London is no place for someone with Autism, not at all.