So, because I am due to move out again on my own for the first time properly on June 29th I am starting to get my anxiety levels spiking again. I know what happened when I tried before and it was basically a disaster. This time I will be truly out on my own and so my anxiety is starting to fly high again.
But what helps me keep things in check is remembering one simple thing. What I am worried about might happen but it might not. It is a perceived threat and not an actual threat. When people are trying to deal with anxiety the line between the two can get distorted so I have to keep reminding myself that something is a perceived threat.
So far I have not made it to a full autistic meltdown but other than that I am surviving.
I have been feeling quite low today. Not just because my stomach has been going a mile a minute but with the realisation that if I would like to stay living in London, I am going to need to find a second job. This will mean that I will be working either 6 or 7 days a week.
Why is this you ask?
Well simply put, it is the cost of living in London. Where your perscriptions can be up to or over £10 per item. Where people are less likely to offer you help and assistance if you have a problem. Where transportation systems are not retrofitted with things like LIFTS or escallators so people like me have to avoid certain stations. Where to find somewhere suitable to live you need to have a budget of over £1000 per month without bills included and where the cost of travel goes up yearly.
I am on 8-10 medications a day so a month on medications alone I can be paying £80-£100.
Living in London is hard but when you work here it is even harder because realistically you have to stay here.
I may even have to give up blogging if I ever find a place of my own unless I find something that can run off of my phone for a while.
London is not suitable for the disabled and yet I am stuck here.
If anyone out there is able to help me please feel free to donate money to me via my paypal paypal.me/suzef86 I gave up with Gofundme as people seemed more interested in donating to people who want to spread hate then to help those in need so I decided if anyone wants to help me they can and the link above should help.
So this week coming I have a lot to do and unfortunately I will be working from home the whole week. It can be a good thing but it can also be a bad thing. Luckily I will be seeing my support worker tomorrow and I will be on a training course as well on Thursday.
My holiday really has imprinted on me my need for self-care so I am doing more to support myself and help get myself more independent. This includes getting a shopping trolly so that I can go to Sainsburys when I need to and not wait for online orders for everything. It also means I am getting a 4 wheeled laptop bag so I do not have to carry much on my back to avoid extra pain. Lastly, I am going to start using buses more and fewer tubes which means that I will be walking more in between as well..
Clearly, my holiday has empowered me to do more and try and claw back some independence.
You never know how run down you have gotten until you actually stop and take some time for yourself. This is something that I have learnt the hard way. I was soo low before I went on holiday. Even with some of the people who I was penpalling with all I could write about was my up coming trip. This is not a good sign for anyone. When you are that run down you have pushed your body to beyond the limits you should have… It doesn’t help with your mental health or your physical health.
You must always remember that you are important and no matter how much good you do for others, you will never be able to continue if you run out of energy or steam.
For people with disabilities, we all know that we have the added pressures of managing our disabilities as well as everything else that we do and so it is important to know what your limits are. If you want to try and push beyond the limits to do it in a way that you are not going to hurt yourself.
I emplore everyone to make sure that they make time for themselves as often as they can. You do not need to be left in a position where you are unable to continue. Look after yourself and then you will be able to look after others x
Since coming back from my holiday I have been covered in holiday energy. My Wellbeing has been massively improved. My self-care is improved and I have had the energy to do everything including cleaning my room, showing every day and even moving around. honestly if you are feeling run down, find somewhere to go and go on holiday.
Yesterday I watched a Dwayne Johnson (the Rock) movie called Skyscraper. It was such an awesome movie because he played an amputee who has made a life for himself after his injury and then has to fight to save his family during an inferno. Obviously, those of us old enough to remember the Towering Inferno would consider it similar to that movie.
Now the reason why I found this amazing is how well he did at playing a person with a disability. It really shows that you can do anything despite your disability. I am not saying you can scale the side of a burning building but, what I am saying is that you can use your disability as a strength. This movie also had an inspirational background as an AMAZING Paralympian helped The Rock learn what it was like to be an amputee.
Even if you do not like the idea of taking inspiration from a movie, you can take the message which is that we are all the same, just some people may struggle more than others. Definitely, a worthwhile movie to watch.
This sounds like a bizarre post to put up but there is a reason for it. I went away on holiday which in itself was great. Unfortunately, the airline and the airports let me down in a big way both getting out to Italy and coming back. I honestly never felt more isolated in my life and I was traveling with a group of people.
The thing is, I decided that I would not let that define the holiday and I decided that I wanted to make sure that the people involved are actually held to account. As such I have made complaints to the airline and the airports.
The lady I spoke to today reminded me that, most people who have a bad experience will choose only to complain to the people that they know. They will accept the negative experience as something they should not question. When you have a disability it can also feel embarrassing. The question I should put to you at this point is, how can anything get better if the person or company who has done you harm, do not know that something has happened.
So, I encourage everyone with a disability, if you experience service in any form that has made you feel isolated, out of place or discriminated against then please raise a complaint and make sure that your voice is heard.