suzefricker@mylifeaccordingtome.org Available all the time, just send me an email and I will get back to you.

Giving Up

I feel like giving up.

Again I have been rejected for help and support for my disabilities. Everywhere I was being bogged off too I have tried to contact and in over a month they have not gotten back to me.

There are potential benefits that I could possibly apply but no one is telling me how to apply for them.

How the hell am I supposed to get support? I will have to pay for it now and honestly how the hell am I going to do that? £725 per month in rent £300 in bills and £370 to pay for a loan. £200 spare of my salary and £400 in disabilities which comes in once every 4 weeks. This does not tally with my other personal bills will I pay £250 a month to. I only get £1600 per month so I have to live off my benefits for food and other things so that I am able to get support.

I am an abuse survivor and no one is able to help me. I am seriously angry and upset.

Honestly, how can I continue to support other people when I get zero support in return. I feel like giving up.

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I moved out!

So, June 29, 2019, I finally moved out of my parents home. This is a major achievement for me. When I tried to move out previously I crashed and burned partly because I did not have support for my AUtism. I wasn’t even diagnosed at that point. So, the fact that I managed to move out is amazing.

I am still very scared about it as I don’t have certain things that I need for example I do not have a table and chairs to eat at, proper sofas, coffee table but I am getting there, I think.

The unpacking is a very long process for me and it is taking me a while to get everything sorted :S.

However, I have been doing things that I hadn’t done before. I found a commuter hub near me so when I am working from home, if I do not want to work on my own then I can just go two doors down and work in the commuter hub. I have found my local post office and my local doctors. My mum is keeping a room for me so that if I need a break and some mummy love to avoid me crashing and burning again, I will have somewhere to go. Also, she is letting me come and stay with them when I need to work longer than 1 day in the office so that it saves me on travel costs. I know the easy route to walk to the station and where the buses go.

I have yet to set up my autism support but that will come.

The sad part is that I do not have any birthday presents or cards this year and I had to move PDQ because I found out that my abusive ex is likely to move back to London and as such I did not want him knowing where I lived. At work, I had security persons to keep him away but at home not so much so I had to move pretty sharpish to feel safe. Honestly, though I choose the right place for me. I am happy with the place I have. It might be further out but you know what it is mine and I love it.

Safety Word for abuse survivors

As victims of abuse, we have a keen sense of what is right and wrong for us. We have been through hell and we feel lost. However, it can be something that we struggle with when it comes to staying safe.

Here are some safety tips I have learned myself:

  1. Block your abuser on ALL social media, facebook, twitter, linkedin, Instagram and snap chat. Also, any new platforms that you may come up.
  2. Change your mobile phone number; if they can’t call you they can’t reach you
  3. Any extra behavior that seems suspicious keep a record. Don’t feel guilty, or ashamed about going to the police. They take any form of domestic situations seriously. Even the slightest bit of concern get something on the report.
  4. If you are concerned about where you live to see what you can do to move

The key thing is to keep surviving 🙂 I know it is hard to do but it is the only way that we can make a bad thing good again.

I hope this helps. I am trying to get the money together to be able to move. I hope this helps.

Abuse – the realization

Recently I have realized that I have been a victim of abuse for many years. This was not physical, he did not hit me, what he did was worse. He tried to make me love him even when I was happy with someone else. He would make me feel that no matter what happened that he was the only one for me and yet whenever we got together he would break up with me, again and again, and again. He would not only just make me love him but he would find new ways to torture me…

But, I have finally found my footing and have managed to block him everywhere, I have stopped him from being able to find out anything about me and cut ties with anyone I don’t trust. I have filed a report with the police so if my ex tries to get back into my life again he will be completely screwed. I just wish I didn’t live where I live anymore as he knows where I am. I am done being his victim.

 

Its Hard When people dont understand you

So this Christmas, my family have been on top form. I am sure they dont believe that I am Autistic.

My mother, who has been told, that my issues with food is to do with the texture of it which is linked to my autism decided to completely forget the special food we picked out for Christmas for me and then said that I was “just being difficult”. When my dad asked me if he could have some of my wine and got the answer “no”, my brother told me I shouldnt be such a “rude Bitch”. I tried to explain that he asked me if he could have my wine, not why he could not have my wine and that those kind of questions are not easy for me to answer latterally… Just ask the judge in my benefit appeal who asked me “what would you do if you needed to get some milk?” I said that I would not go out. The judge then asked “why would you not go out for milk” and my response was, “I dont drink milk”. To me that was a logical answer to the question.

We went to my nans and my mum brought food with us that she knew I could eat. She said nothing about it until we got there, stood up in the middle of the room and said “I brought these because I know my daughter is difficult”.

My mum planned to change my routine around without telling me and when i questioned them on it I got introuble because my nephew heard me ask why we were not having pizza as it was pizza night. I spent the rest of the day in my room upset because I didnt understand why I was in trouble for questioning why my routine was being changed.

I have had to set up an anonymous gofundme page because I got in trouble for my last one (family found it)

I need help to get away from these people 😦 if you can help or know someone who can help please share my page. Please help me. I dont want to be living here by this time next year 😦

https://www.gofundme.com/6jvfv8-i-need-help

 

Struggles of an Autistic

As people here know, I was diagnosed as autistic at the beginning of the year. It started to make more sense to me about what I go through on a daily basis. One thing, in particular, is my routine. We have made it so that every Friday is our Pizza night.

However, what makes it 10 times worse is when you live with people who do not understand or believe in the diagnosis that you were given. They neither like to help or prepare me when my routine is changed. When I question why my routine is changed they give me grief, abuse, and anger. I don’t understand why they can’t just accept that I am autistic and I need an like my routine.

I need to get away from here. I need to be free to be me… but how can I do that when people don’t want to help me and judge me for everything that I do. I need help.

Frustrated

I am frustrated with the social housing situation in the UK. When people who are allowed to abuse the social housing situation in this country. There are, however, people like me who are struggling to get a place of their own, barely able to afford private rented and is not allowed to get social housing. With medical issues and problems within this estate and yet I get screwed over. Now I am stuck in a living situation which is detrimental to my wellbeing and I am not allowed help.

I am now stuck having to go through crowdfunding in the hopes that I will be able to get anything to help me, even if it is just enough to put into savings to help me.

If anyone can help, I am at my wit’s end. https://bit.ly/2ValjRf