Gender Identity – Continued

I made a post earlier (a while ago) where I discussed my issues over gender identity. This was a big step for me. It is not something that I am used to being open about. I took it one step forward this week, I spoke to a colleague about it and she informed me that it is in line with the label “gender fluid”.

The definition of Gender Fluid is “denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender”. This is generally how I feel on a day to day basis. The idea for me is that even though I was born a female I don’t always feel like it. Until my last relationship where I was “forbidden” from buying men’s clothes, I had both men’s clothes and women’s clothes in my wardrobe. When I had to go to work I would go out in what I was expected to be seen in but when I was at home it was a toss-up between men and women’s clothes. I would go with whatever felt comfortable with at the time.

Because I was unable to wear the clothes I wanted to all the time, I started displaying some more masculine traits during my last relationship. If someone did something that offended me I would be more of a brawler and acted more like a man would, especially when it came to protecting female friends. Although, this gave me the image that I was not a feminine woman which was a turn off to men, which whilst I was in a relationship was not a worry but now I am single again, is a concern.

However, I was the other day called a very feminine woman, the reason behind it was I crossed my ankles at a meeting. It was such a surprise to the person who saw it that they felt they had to say something. I do not know how to feel about it really.

I do have one thing to say, even if I am gender fluid, it is still me. I am still the same person who I was 10-20 years ago however, I just don’t identify one way or another. I, do, however, respect the gender that I was born into and the struggles that the gender I went through to get the rights that they have now.

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Safety Word for abuse survivors

As victims of abuse, we have a keen sense of what is right and wrong for us. We have been through hell and we feel lost. However, it can be something that we struggle with when it comes to staying safe.

Here are some safety tips I have learned myself:

  1. Block your abuser on ALL social media, facebook, twitter, linkedin, Instagram and snap chat. Also, any new platforms that you may come up.
  2. Change your mobile phone number; if they can’t call you they can’t reach you
  3. Any extra behavior that seems suspicious keep a record. Don’t feel guilty, or ashamed about going to the police. They take any form of domestic situations seriously. Even the slightest bit of concern get something on the report.
  4. If you are concerned about where you live to see what you can do to move

The key thing is to keep surviving 🙂 I know it is hard to do but it is the only way that we can make a bad thing good again.

I hope this helps. I am trying to get the money together to be able to move. I hope this helps.

Abuse – the realization

Recently I have realized that I have been a victim of abuse for many years. This was not physical, he did not hit me, what he did was worse. He tried to make me love him even when I was happy with someone else. He would make me feel that no matter what happened that he was the only one for me and yet whenever we got together he would break up with me, again and again, and again. He would not only just make me love him but he would find new ways to torture me…

But, I have finally found my footing and have managed to block him everywhere, I have stopped him from being able to find out anything about me and cut ties with anyone I don’t trust. I have filed a report with the police so if my ex tries to get back into my life again he will be completely screwed. I just wish I didn’t live where I live anymore as he knows where I am. I am done being his victim.

I am a victim and I need to survive. If anyone else can help me survive I would be appreciative. If you are able to help me please see my GoFundMe page:https://www.gofundme.com/4t77nm-my-first-home

Concerned

I really need to move house. I need help to get myself somewhere I can afford. I have an ex who is currently pestering me. I have changed my mobile number, I have had to change my facebook account and am seriously contemplating canceling all of my social media accounts. This ex knows where I live and I don’t want to risk him randomly turning up to my front door.

He is not abusive but he brings a lot of emotional crap. I need help. I can afford rent, I can afford to live but I need help to get the transport to and from work. Please help me: https://www.gofundme.com/4t77nm-my-first-home there is nothing legally I can do because all he has done is given me some seriously unwanted attention but I need to be somewhere that I do not worry if he will get posted back to London and turn back up at my front door

Autism – Social Energy

Last year during International Day of Persons with Disabilities we had a talk from Genius Within and they talked about the theory of Social Energy.

Basically, it is like the Spoon Theory for Lupus. We all have social energy tanks. Those who are Neuro-Typical have larger tanks than Neuro Diverse people. This is the key thing to know. Now like the spoon theory every action that we do takes away from your social energy tank. The problem is is that when someone who is neurodiverse who has a smaller tank thing gets drained a lot quicker than a neurotypical person.

Unlike the Spoon theory, however, we can refill our tanks. The idea is that if someone who is neuro diverse’s tank dips below 30% then we are likely to be in a meltdown mode. So with your social energy, it is very important to know where you are at and how you refill your tank.

For me, to refill my tank when I am at work, I go to the coffee shop and speak with the staff there. I find the break from work and what is draining my energy is a way to refill. When I goto my coffee shop I can be a little crazy and let out stresses. When I then return to work I find that I have avoided a meltdown. For me when I am in meltdown mode I know that I go very quiet and you can’t talk to me and I won’t talk to anyone. So to avoid this I keep an eye on my energy levels.

The other aspect of this is the fact that you need to find your safe space to do it. I know one person who stands in a closet. Others go and sit on a bench doing nothing but people watch. It is your safe space to find it.

Since learning this theory my team at work and I use it a lot. They ask me what my number is at when I need a break. This helps me focus on my own needs. I think that you all need to work on this to see if it can help you try and avoid your meltdown phases.

Being Different is not BAD

One thing I needed to get myself together to understand what it is that is “wrong” with me. However, it was not till I understood that there is nothing wrong with me I am just different to everyone else around me.

I get very emotional over some things. That isn’t bad, it just means that I can get really sad. The thing that I am sad most about is when I see an animal who gets killed in the middle of the street. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. It means my mind deals with this kind of things differently. Same for TV shows. There are certain episodes of shows that I can not ever watch again because they make me so sad that I cry. The logic side of my brain knows that its fiction but I just can’t deal with what is being shown, example, the episode in Criminal Minds where Hotch’s ex-wife is killed by the Reaper… I can NEVER watch that episode ever again.

I have uber senses (if only my eyesight was one of them). It’s not bad, it just means I avoid situations where I am likely to be affected… It’s not bad, just means that I am different.

Differences make you who you are and that is something that we all need to accept. If we were all the same, we would not have the breakthroughs that we have in art, science, music and many other things… If we were, all the same, we may as well be wearing gray jumpsuits and all have numbers instead of names.